Ahoy, Lifers. Consider a few seemingly unrelated facts:
FACT #1: I have recently graduated from university (like that British phrasing?) and, with no job and no responsibilities until I leave for my fictional homeland in September, I'm desperately searching for inane pursuits to waste my time on.
FACT #2: I have recently installed the newest operating system on my laptop computer, which came with the brand-spanking-new version of iMovie, that film editing software easy enough to use that its siren calls to me to waste hours upon hours creating ridiculous wastes of celluloid.
FACT #3: With its new advertising campaign for what is apparently some kind of documentary about Jay-Z doing whatever it is Jay-Z does, Absolut® has unwittingly created the greatest commercial of all time.
"I can see where this is going, boo."
If you watch, like, literally any television at all, you know the one about which I'm talking I'm talking about. It's on so much I feel like it was added as an amendment to the Law & Order/CSI Act of 2004, which mandates, by law, that at least one program from either of those franchises must be running on at least one channel at any given time. Anyway, it's a brilliant commercial, though unfortunately I can't seem to find the 30-second version online. It features our man Jay waxing poetic about NYC. Consider: "New York, New York. It's my foundation, it's the center of my growth, it's the...muse for my art." Classic stuff, in other words.
The real show stealer, however, is none other than John 'Your Body is a Wonderland' Mayer, who inexplicably shows up in the middle of the ad to utter that priceless gem of rhetorical quintessence that lends this post its title: "I think that Jay is, like, infinitely curious." BOOM. And then he's gone. I did find a one minute-long version on Youtube, but it features a longer clip of Mayer in which he goes on to expound on his statement and it just ruins it. You just need that one perfect phrase.
In other words, dear readers, I'm going to re-create this commercial. I must give credit where credit is due, however. 'Twas not originally my idea but that of officially-sanctioned Friend of the Captain® Olivia. She will be playing the role of John 'Your Body is a Wonderland' Mayer, while I, naturally, will be Jay. I haven't come up with a full plan yet, as I feel it needs to spoof the original in order to move beyond it, but I have already ripped some footage of NYC from the minute-long clip to splice in with the new stuff.
Is this an extraordinary waste of time? Yes.
Is the finished product destined to be terrible? Yes.
Is there any way you wouldn't be interested in watching it if I posted it on the blog? Thought so.
From the virtual wonderland body of Ivan Zissou
dictated but not read
cth
Do you think Jay-Z would use the word 'boo?' I don't know. I'm leaving it, though.
In other words, dear readers, I'm going to re-create this commercial. I must give credit where credit is due, however. 'Twas not originally my idea but that of officially-sanctioned Friend of the Captain® Olivia. She will be playing the role of John 'Your Body is a Wonderland' Mayer, while I, naturally, will be Jay. I haven't come up with a full plan yet, as I feel it needs to spoof the original in order to move beyond it, but I have already ripped some footage of NYC from the minute-long clip to splice in with the new stuff.
Is this an extraordinary waste of time? Yes.
Is the finished product destined to be terrible? Yes.
Is there any way you wouldn't be interested in watching it if I posted it on the blog? Thought so.
From the virtual wonderland body of Ivan Zissou
dictated but not read
cth
