S P A C E !

Ahoy, Lifers.  This is your Captain speaking.  Having been watching a lot of Cosmos lately, and having been inspired by Symphony of Science, I was reminded of an activity I used to enjoy in high school but that had fallen out of my routine in college.  I used to periodically visit NASA's Image of the Day page, which if you've never done I highly recommend.  They have some of the most remarkable and beautiful images you'll ever see (I considered describing them as "out of this world," but even the Life Despotic has standards).  I'm always impressed that the actual images of the cosmos exceed aesthetically even my most ideal conceptions of them.  To that end, I've done the legwork for you and collected here some of my favorite images from their archive.  That's right, my dear readers, fear not, for this is not another long-winded and poorly-reasoned meditation on astrophysics, but rather a modest collection of pretty pictures.  As I can't let you get away without having to read some text, however, I've paired the images with some of my favorite, most poignant quotes by our friend and cosmic mentor, Dr. Sagan.

Preach, Carl.

I am not a turkey, David!

Point of clarification: we are not dressed as skunks, we are dressed as skunk people.

Dateline: Moscow

Russian Man Refuses Vodka at Wedding; Kremlin Officials Scramble for Answers
Martin Redding, Moscow Senior Correspondent

MOSCOW (Reuters) -- What was intended to be a day of celebration ended in a tragedy that set a community and a nation reeling.  After completing their wedding vows, newlyweds Arkady and Marina Kandinsky accompanied their guests to the reception at the Izmailovsky Hotel.  

While exact details are unknown, an eyewitness reports that it was just after a rambling and at times uncomfortable speech by the best man that a guest of the groom, Ivan Napitok, allegedly refused a glass of vodka offered by the bride's brother.  

An off-duty police deputy attending the wedding, Pyotr Bykov, describes the scene that followed: "I was sitting on the other side of the hall when I heard a great commotion coming from the bar.  After someone told me what happened, I moved immediately to secure the reception."  Bykov placed the suspect into custody and notified Moscow authorities.  

Riot police arrived on the scene to contain what was described as an atmosphere of mass hysteria.  "It was crazy," said Daria Smelaya, a guest at the reception and eyewitness.  "Many people would not believe he refused it; but we saw that he refused it.  Fighting broke out.  It was terrible." 

Napitok, 43, works as a claims adjuster for a firm located in the Izmailovsky district.  Friends and acquaintances reacted with uniform shock and disbelief at the accusations leveled against him.  His landlady, who requested her name be withheld from this report, had this to say: "He always paid his rent on time.  He was quiet, a good tenant.  He helped me re-tile the hallways.  I never would have expected this sort of behavior from him."  

However, Mikhail Skuchniy, a sports psychologist at the Moscow Institute of Agriculture and Mines, says that such deviant tendencies cannot be easily detected in every case.  "These things happen," explains Skuchniy, "Such deviant tendencies cannot be easily detected in every case."

A spokesman for the Kremlin issued a written statement late Tuesday night announcing  that the FSB has opened a full investigation into the allegations.  While inquiries to the FSB central office went unanswered, a source within the Kremlin says they are taking the situation very seriously.  It is rumored that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has cut short his vacation at a dude ranch in Wyoming to personally oversee the investigation.  The source went on to say that Mr. Napitok could face charges ranging from light to medium treason, for which the minimum penalty is two full readings of Anna Karenina. 

As the investigation unfolds, a community is left waiting for answers.  "He wouldn't explain why he refused; he simply said he didn't feel like it," recounts Smelaya.  "What gives a person the right to act this way?  Someone must be held responsible."  

However, it appears there will be no quick answers for what has become a lightning rod of national interest.  For at least one, however, the incident has remained intensely personal.  "I haven't slept," says Napitok's mother, Tanya.  "This is not the son I raised."

Follow this developing story at Reuters Online.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read

cth

Reality TV Monday: Tool Academy Week 1 Analysis

If you thought the title of this post was just a bit of misleading cleverness, well, you don't know Monsieur Zissou very well.  It is with great pleasure that we introduce a new feature to the Life Despotic, Reality TV Mondays!  As an avid fan of the perplexing television drama Lost, I'm familiar with the army of fans that deconstruct every episode and write long postings featuring detailed recaps and theoretical analysis.  Loving the concept but having nowhere near the required intellectual fortitude or patience to pursue such a pursuit, I have decided instead to apply the format to that guilty pleasure of guilty pleasures, reality television.  My first choice (and a worthy one at that) is VH1's Tool Academy.  Each week I will watch one episode of Tool Academy 3 and offer my own commentary.  Sounds hilarious, right?  Well, chances are you're going to read it anyway, so let's begin!

Yes, this is really happening.

Walk without rhythm it won't attract the worm

Random thoughts:

• The Russian week begins on Monday instead of Sunday.  Despite being the cultural colonialist I am, I have to think they got this one right.  Sunday night always feels like the end of the week, trying to enjoy the last few golden hours before the tedium begins again.

• Having a fairly rare name, it's always a bit strange when I met another Dustin.  Is it the same for people with more common names?  For instance, is it weird for a guy named John to meet another guy named John?  Or, if you're reading this in Australia, is it weird for a guy named Bruce to meet another guy named Bruce?  I have no way of knowing if this feeling is shared by everybody or only those with uncommon names.  Perhaps my friend and sometime reader with a relatively more common name could share his views.

• Certain parties have made observations to Captain Zissou as to his prodigious use of linkage on the site.  Faithful readers of the Life Despotic know how we respond to such implied criticisms.

• I had a class with another Dusty last quarter, though his real name is Justin.  It was a small class, and he sent out an email to the eight or so of us asking about something class-related.  I "replied all" first and jokingly signed my name "The Other Dusty."  Everyone that replied to the email after that proceeded to refer to me as "Other Dusty," including my professor.  Bastards.

• I've found that sometimes I fail to make connections between things I encountered as a child and things I've encountered since.  EXAMPLE: I didn't realize that Dustin(!) Hoffman played the eponymous Hook in that classic film until about two years ago.  CHILLING EXAMPLE: About that same time I realized that George Carlin was the conductor on Thomas the Tank Engine.

• The food fight scene from Hook is one of the best movie scenes of all time.  To this day, the imagined food makes my mouth water, despite the fact that everything seems to be made of some kind of neon paste.  HIGHLIGHT: Old Fart Peter (he hasn't become the Pan yet) diagnoses Rufio as having "a severe 'kaka' mouth."  Rufio responds by calling him a maggot burger.

• How I choose to believe the "Weapon of Choice" planning session went down:

          "Okay, so we want to make the greatest music video of all time for a 

          reclusive artist who doesn't actually sing on his own tracks and never 

          appears in his own videos.  What are our resources?"

          "Well, we've got four hours, an empty hotel, and Chris Walken."

          "Bingo."

Badass.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read

cth