rap dancin'

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read
cth

south beach james

My approximate reaction to the hour-long monument to self-love that was LeBron James' hilariously titled "The Decision":

Okay, here's the thing that I never understood about Obi Wan's speech.  He talks about how our buddy Darth (in his pre-Darth form) was supposed to bring balance to the force, right?  In fact, this is mentioned throughout the gawd-awful prequel trilogy, so we can even call it a recurring theme.  Here's my problem: take a look around, guys.  There's about six hundred good jedis (jedi? jedis?) walking around and like two bad guys.  So how the hell would Darth "bring balance" to the situation?  Obvious answer: less good guys, more bad guys.  Then why is everybody so damned surprised when he goes rogue?  What am I missing in this equation?  I'm not even trying to be dense, I honestly don't get it.

Anyway, back to LeBron.  I'm not a huge NBA fan (+2 points if you pictured me as a giant anthropomorphic wind fan covered in NBA stickers when you read that), so I'm not too broken up over it.  In fact, I even got some positives out of it.

1) "The Decision" and everything leading up to it was a wonderful human interest event in that it is rare to see a celebrity figure so thoroughly disconnected from reality that he thinks creating an hour-long special to announce that he's abandoning his championship-starved hometown would be a good thing for his brand?!  I know that wasn't really a question, but the whole thought process is so ridiculously ridiculous it seemed to demand it.

2) James' chosen verbiage to articulate his choice, i.e. "I'm taking my talents to South Beach," has become my new euphemism for using the toilet.  I can now retire my longtime standby of "dropping Mr. Deeds off at the stateroom."

3) Finally, "South Beach James" has such a nice ring to it I've decided to incorporate it into my stable of go-to aliases.  I might even translate it into Russian and make my students address me as such while I'm over there.  Oh, and I'll be wearing my Ray-Ban's the whole time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my talents to South Beach.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read

cth