rap dancin'

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read
cth

south beach james

My approximate reaction to the hour-long monument to self-love that was LeBron James' hilariously titled "The Decision":

Okay, here's the thing that I never understood about Obi Wan's speech.  He talks about how our buddy Darth (in his pre-Darth form) was supposed to bring balance to the force, right?  In fact, this is mentioned throughout the gawd-awful prequel trilogy, so we can even call it a recurring theme.  Here's my problem: take a look around, guys.  There's about six hundred good jedis (jedi? jedis?) walking around and like two bad guys.  So how the hell would Darth "bring balance" to the situation?  Obvious answer: less good guys, more bad guys.  Then why is everybody so damned surprised when he goes rogue?  What am I missing in this equation?  I'm not even trying to be dense, I honestly don't get it.

Anyway, back to LeBron.  I'm not a huge NBA fan (+2 points if you pictured me as a giant anthropomorphic wind fan covered in NBA stickers when you read that), so I'm not too broken up over it.  In fact, I even got some positives out of it.

1) "The Decision" and everything leading up to it was a wonderful human interest event in that it is rare to see a celebrity figure so thoroughly disconnected from reality that he thinks creating an hour-long special to announce that he's abandoning his championship-starved hometown would be a good thing for his brand?!  I know that wasn't really a question, but the whole thought process is so ridiculously ridiculous it seemed to demand it.

2) James' chosen verbiage to articulate his choice, i.e. "I'm taking my talents to South Beach," has become my new euphemism for using the toilet.  I can now retire my longtime standby of "dropping Mr. Deeds off at the stateroom."

3) Finally, "South Beach James" has such a nice ring to it I've decided to incorporate it into my stable of go-to aliases.  I might even translate it into Russian and make my students address me as such while I'm over there.  Oh, and I'll be wearing my Ray-Ban's the whole time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my talents to South Beach.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read

cth

journey releases album without steve perry

The other 6,697,254,036 people on the planet ask, "what's the point?"

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read
cth

happy birthday america!

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read
cth

my country tis of thee

I've been watching a lot of the World Cup lately, and it just wouldn't be an international football match without the playing of anthems beforehand.  After hearing select anthems of the various participant countries, I decided to do a little research (read: Youtube) into the national songs of the countries of the world to learn more about them.  Therefore, I have compiled for you my picks for the best and worst anthems.  Keep in mind this is my opinion, therefore it should be treated as divine law; differences of opinion will not be tolerated.  We'll start with the bad ones to get some controversy going.  Let's begin, shall we?

steal this record

I have a lot of weird stuff on my iPod.  I'm sure you do as well, being the music lover and Apple supporter you inevitably are.  In my tradition of telling you what to do, what to think and what to like, therefore, I've decided to recommend a few albums you've never heard of that are worth a listen.  They are diverse, spanning genre and eras, and they're all available on iTunes!  (EDITOR'S NOTE: Despite claims to the contrary, all featured albums are not currently available on iTunes.)  If you've got any of your own suggestions, feel free to share in the comments section.

Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One

The Kinks

Released November 27, 1970

Sample

First of all, yes.  Best title ever.  Second of all, also yes.  These are the same Kinks that became famous for their three-chord, radio filler pop hits "You Really Got Me" and "All Day and All of the Night."  I thought that was all they ever did before I found this album; turns out the group went on to record some real music.  This album is classic early seventies rock, with killer riffs and some steel guitar to boot.  Lest you think it's just a clever title, the album does, in fact, contain songs entitled "Lola," "Powerman," and "The Moneygoround."  There's also a song called "Apeman."  So there.  In terms of sound and concept, it's a little like Sergeant Pepper-era Beatles meets the Guess Who, which isn't a bad combo at all.  I highly recommend it.

Rules
The Whitest Boy Alive
Released March 30, 2009
Sample


I know.  Best band name ever.  If you're noticing that the music I like seems to be based more on kitschy names than actual music, you're totally right it's just a coincidence, I swear.  From the realms of European indie electric pop comes The Whitest Boy Alive, a new(ish) group that knows how to put down a fat beat.  This boy may be white, but he's got some funk.  The rhythms on this album are toe-tapping, the vocals are mellow and laid back, and some of the lyrics are subtly humorous.  The obvious stand out tracks are "Keep a Secret," and "1517," but the best of the rest--"Courage," "Timebomb," and "High on the Heels"--more than hold their own.  Perhaps the best thing I can say about this album is there isn't a track on it I'd call "weak."  As with any electric pop album, it all starts to sound the same if you listen to it in one marathon session.  But if you are known to throw spontaneous dance parties, this is the album for you.

The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions
Seu Jorge
Released November 22, 2005
Sample


Bowie unplugged.  In Portuguese.  Easily one of the most obscure things on my iPod.  So not only did Wes Anderson have the genius to cast Brazilian pop star Seu Jorge in The Life Aquatic as a Bowie-crooning crewman, he had the good sense to release Jorge's covers on vinyl (okay, so they don't release albums on vinyl anymore, but it sounds better than almost-pure polycarbonate plastic).  The album features fourteen Bowie covers from the Ziggy Stardust era and one original composition.  It's just Jorge and his guitar, and it's friggin' brilliant (and I don't speak a word of Portuguese).  All of the arrangements are excellent, with some ("Starman," "Rebel Rebel") rivaling Bowie's originals.  While I don't understand a word he says, Jorge's basso vocals are soulful and oddly soothing, and his picking and strumming is deceptively good.  The stripped down nature of these songs actually gave me a better appreciation for Bowie's versions, as the single acoustic guitar allows the melody to come to the front.  If you're in need of some relaxation, turn this bad boy on, put your feet up, and tune out.  There's nothing better.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read
cth

let it out and let it in

Random thoughts from the Mind Despotic:

• Recently I've noticed an alarming new trend on the interwebs that I call Red Syndrome.  Simply put, people suffering from Red Syndrome labor under the terribly misguided idea that the word 'ridiculous' is, in fact, spelled 'rediculous.'  Have you seen this?  I don't remember noticing it before as widespread, but now that I've recognized it I see it everywhere.  It's driving me more than a little crazy.  I blame Bono and his damn (red) campaign.

• Indisputable proof that Paul McCartney is more talented than Fergie.  Excerpt from "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie: "And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket."  Excerpt from "Hey Jude" by the Beatles: "Well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder."  You don't get named a knight of the realm without knowing to avoid the singular they!  Your move, Fergie.

• (The following post is about the 2010 FIFA World Cup.  For the full experience, open this page in a new window before reading.)  For any of you readers out there following the World Cup that are also fans of bad teen movies from the nineties, I'm sure you noticed the obvious parallels between the French national team and the West Canaan Coyotes from Varsity Blues.  Both had hard-nosed coaches the team couldn't stand.  In both cases, the coach and the star player got into a dramatic fight during halftime.  And finally, both teams ultimately refused to play for their coaches.  So way to go, France.  You're a knockoff of a bad movie starring this guy.  One thing I've got to give the movie, however, is it features one of the greatest quotes of all time.

• Things I can no longer take seriously thanks to Arrested Development: ice cream sandwiches, "The Final Countdown" by Europe, combination analyst/therapists or 'analrapists,' chicken impersonations, nevernudes, puppets named Franklin, Carl Weathers, Legoland, prosthetic hands, the word 'hermano,' ether, club sauce, and airport stair cars.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read
cth