Today we introduce a new feature to The Life Despotic, something I'm calling the "That Other Guy" Series. Now to those of you that might point out the pretentiousness of plugging something as "new" on a one day-old blog, I must kindly say good day, sir. Having rid ourselves of any potential naysayers, let's return to the task at hand.
The "That Other Guy" Series has a simple aim: to highlight those great figures of the past who, deservedly or otherwise, have been surpassed in the popular consciousness by one or more of their partners or contemporaries. This series is sure to be a fruitful intellectual pursuit and reader favorite. As with any new thing, however, the beginning is a delicate time. To that end, I knew the first "Other Guy" would have to be quite the heavy-hitter, as it were. One man immediately came to mind. The "Other Guy" of all "Other Guys," the original "Other Guy," the "Other Guy" that inspired later "Other Guys" like Art Garfunkel. That man?
Friedrich Engels.
Get out of the way, Marx, we're trying to see Engels.
Now, if you're saying "who?" right now, boy is this the post for you! Any good student of history knows the value of a detailed biography in appreciating the contributions of any great figure. However, as the only thing I was ever a good student of was the Cobra Kai dojo, I think it would be a lot more fun to simply conjure Engels' biography from the pastel-colored recesses of my imagination. CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: Good students of history may exit the train here. Otherwise, all aboard for the absurd!
Friedrich "Abdul-Jabbar" Engels was born to Charles and Caroline Engels Wilder in a rustic log cabin in rural Minnesota. A precocious young lad, Abdul-Jabber (a nickname he earned during his playing days at the University of Zurich) displayed both a startlingly powerful intellect and a disdain for all things cute and fluffy from an early age. Unsurprisingly, the latter trait led to frequent clashes with his caring father's penchant for giving moralistic summaries at the end of each episode. Thus it was little surprise when, upon reaching the age of six, Engels packed his bags and set out on his own, famously declaring he'd "had enough of that man's damn speeches."
In need of a stronger authority to attend to his development, Engels naturally elected to be raised by wolves. It was here, enduring a spartan upbringing at the paws of the She-Wolf Coco, that Engels would meet his longtime foe and sometime euchre partner, Karl Marx. SPOILER ALERT: Marx steals Engels' ideas and becomes famous. Marx, recognizing Engels' vast superiority in all things including beard-growing, immediately hitched himself to Engels' wagon.
Proof.
That's not a metaphor, mind you. Engels literally towed Marx the 6,000 miles to Brussels. Lazy bones. Anyways, it was on this journey that Engels derived and penned his Communist Manifesto. If you read the spoilers earlier, you know the unfortunate ending to this tragic tale. Marx takes the credit, gets the girl, and goes on to superstardom as Steve Guttenberg's lovable sidekick Moses Hightower in the Police Academy series. Meanwhile, Engels is forever relegated to "Other Guy" status.
But if the world has forgotten you, Friedrich "Abdul-Jabbar" Engels, the good readers of The Life Despotic have not. We salute your achievements in, among other fields, political theorizing, archery, equestrian, and breakdancing (FUN FACT: Engels served as choreographer on Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo). As the pater familias of the extended "Other Guy" family, we heartily welcome and honor you as the first inductee to the "That Other Guy" Hall of Fame. Way to go, sport!
From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou
dictated but not read
cth
0 comments:
Post a Comment