Ahoy, Lifers! After a much needed hiatus from Tool Academy (I'm pretty sure it triggered Ensign Jarlsberg's recent herpes flare-up), we're getting back into the groove in a big way! I don't know if you realize, but we're down to the final four. This is the home stretch. Who will pull ahead as we pull around the final turn? Kevin? Jennavecia? Jacob? Angelo? Well, I can't answer that yet, as there's still two episodes left, but I can tell you who goes home this week. Recap and results after the jump!
THERAPY aka LIE TO ME: OMG they brought in a body language expert that Trina called a "human lie detector test." And she was being serious. Unfortunately, it is not Tim Roth of FOX's smash hit Lie To Me, but I will think of her as Tim Roth in my mind. That was heavy sarcasm in case you missed it, by the way. Has anyone ever watched that show? Ever? I mean really? The dude just outs liars every week? This is the show?
FUN FACT: Tim Roth was actually born a chimpanzee.
Therapy is essentially a lie detector test, but instead of a polygraph machine, the tools are answering questions for Not Tim Roth. It's sort of awkward because the tools are alone in the rather large therapy room with Trina, but for some reason they're just standing in the middle of the room. No chairs or anything.
Trina asks Kevin what he does on the road. Kevin says that he flirts, likes to get to third base with multiple women. Not Tim Roth's take: "He's telling the truth. When he takes his hands out of his pockets, it's like he's trying to be truthful." AMAZING!! I'd never have known he wasn't lying when he admitted he cheats on his wife.
DING DING DING! Angelo used our secret word of the season, "insecurities" again.
The tools have essentially ruined the "lie detector test" trope by telling the truth, but Trina insists on doing each reveal Maury-style. To give you an example of how little suspense there is, consider the following quote: "We asked Kevin if he had slept with the woman who said she had slept with him. He said yes...DRAMATIC PAUSE...and he was telling the truth." Well no shit, Trina.
Ah, finally. Jacob starts lying up a storm. My favorite: "We asked Jacob if he was going to stop bouncing at the club. He said yes...DRAMATIC PAUSE...but that was a lie." I don't know how we made it six weeks before revealing that Jacob is a bouncer, but I do know that it surprises literally no one.
And now there's a boot camp instructor. He takes them out to the fields to do some calisthenics, because, I mean, how else do you build trust than through jumping jacks and sit-ups? Strangely, this sequence lasted for all of three minutes, and now Major Payne is nowhere to be found. Instead, the tools are told they're going on individual dates with their partners that night. I assume there's some sort of challenge involved, but I missed the explanation and was too lazy to go back. It's not like it really matters, anyways.
Trina asks Kevin what he does on the road. Kevin says that he flirts, likes to get to third base with multiple women. Not Tim Roth's take: "He's telling the truth. When he takes his hands out of his pockets, it's like he's trying to be truthful." AMAZING!! I'd never have known he wasn't lying when he admitted he cheats on his wife.
DING DING DING! Angelo used our secret word of the season, "insecurities" again.
The tools have essentially ruined the "lie detector test" trope by telling the truth, but Trina insists on doing each reveal Maury-style. To give you an example of how little suspense there is, consider the following quote: "We asked Kevin if he had slept with the woman who said she had slept with him. He said yes...DRAMATIC PAUSE...and he was telling the truth." Well no shit, Trina.
Ah, finally. Jacob starts lying up a storm. My favorite: "We asked Jacob if he was going to stop bouncing at the club. He said yes...DRAMATIC PAUSE...but that was a lie." I don't know how we made it six weeks before revealing that Jacob is a bouncer, but I do know that it surprises literally no one.
And now there's a boot camp instructor. He takes them out to the fields to do some calisthenics, because, I mean, how else do you build trust than through jumping jacks and sit-ups? Strangely, this sequence lasted for all of three minutes, and now Major Payne is nowhere to be found. Instead, the tools are told they're going on individual dates with their partners that night. I assume there's some sort of challenge involved, but I missed the explanation and was too lazy to go back. It's not like it really matters, anyways.
In other shocking reveals that shock literally no one, we learn that Dayna and Angelo first hooked up in Miami, and Jennavecia has a butterfly tramp stamp. I'm bringing this up mostly because the individual dates are boring me out of my mind. To give you a brief summary: blah blah blah, yada yada yada. Then we learn that the partners will be moving into the tools' house.
Angelo and Dayna promptly have a blow up fight. Angelo says he's done with the academy. Dayna consistently refers to him as "dude" throughout the argument, making it impossible to take anything seriously (as if we didn't pass that threshold six weeks ago).
Angelo and Dayna promptly have a blow up fight. Angelo says he's done with the academy. Dayna consistently refers to him as "dude" throughout the argument, making it impossible to take anything seriously (as if we didn't pass that threshold six weeks ago).
I'm sorry, I can't get over this. Watch this promo. Aside from being extraordinarily creepy, where's the hook? Dilated pupils? Oblique eyebrows? Oh yeah, that sounds like a brilliant foundation for 22 hour-long episodes of television. And it's been renewed! Twice! Curse you, Tim Roth.
RESULTS & ANALYSIS: Kevin gets sent home, though it wasn't clear to me what he did to deserve such a fate that any of the other tools didn't. But let's be honest, I wasn't exactly giving this episode my undivided attention. You want it? You gotta earn it, Tool Academy. I'm not too broken up about it, though, because that means that the final three--Jennavecia, Jacob, and Angelo--are the three I picked to be there in my very first recap. Go ahead, you can applaud, I'll wait. Done? Good. Anyways, I can't say this was a great episode, but hopefully now that we're gearing up for the finale things will start to pick up again. I've got high hopes for next week.
NOTES & QUOTES:
- Almost fights (cumulative): 6
- Times Angelo has cried (cumulative): 5
- "This is a wake up call for me. Like, for real."
- "One of my nuts I think fell out my pants."
dictated but not read
cth
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