i vant to suck your blud

That's right, people: two posts, one day.  Summer of George.  This should be a short one (right!) as I simply need to express my disgust at the ignorance and arrogance displayed in a CNN video I just watched.  First, let me assure you that I don't make a habit of watching CNN videos, but I set the Chet News Network as my homepage and thus it caught my eye (by the way, anyone who gets that reference without the use of google wins a chicken dinner courtesy of Ivan Zissou).

The video headline in question queried, "Do men with accents have edge in dating?"  A worthy question, no doubt.  My first thought was, "Well, naturally they mean non-General American accents, as everyone speaks with an accent.  I'm sure they were just saving space in the headline and will mention it at some point in this four-minute long video."  You can see where this is going.  In truth, the video featured no such disclaimer, and thus registered fairly high on the unintentional comedy scale with gems like this one: "I think that an accent can take an average guy and push him to that super-hot level."  And then, of course, there was the near perfect irony of a woman with the thickest New York accent you'll ever hear ruminating on how attractive she finds men with accents.

Am I picking nits?  Sure.  Am I simply jealous because my thick Russian accent renders me virtually unintelligible when I go speed dating?  Probably.  All I'm saying is, if I'm a reporter for one of the world's largest news organizations, I'm probably going to want to put in a one-sentence distinction to prove I'm not a complete moron and understand the real definition of the word "accent."

BONUS PARAGRAPH: For those of you who want to emulate the Captain, please review this page and do literally the opposite of everything it says.  Just for the good of the order, Russians do not pronounce 'w' like 'v,' they do not pronounce 'th' like 'z,' and they certainly don't pronounce 'h' like a Spanish 'j.'  Well, okay, maybe Yakov Smirnoff does.  But I want you to aim higher, dear readers!  And you're going to need to if you want to get those dates.

From the virtual desk of Ivan Zissou

dictated but not read

cth